The role of good or bad fatherhood in kids' life

Father figures are expected, from the very start of one’s life, to be wise and powerful. They are expected to solve our problems, to be with us when in need, accompany us to children park, tell us stories, protect us. They are judicious and kind, perhaps a little tough at times but always fair—but most importantly, we expect them to be always, on our side. 

To make fun of someone who has problems with their father, even after acknowledging their discomforting longing, is humiliating and rude. It’s completely alright for someone to desire a fatherly figure in their lives, especially, when in chaos and confusions. It’s utterly hurtful to want someone to protect us and fail at finding anyone at sight.

When does it start?

This notion of desiring a fatherly figure comes from our childhood—when we’re both young and immensely week, and need protection from everything that might hurt us. In our childhood, even a cat of a considerable size can kill us—things were mysterious when we were young, and often were outside of our control. To wish for a father in befalling situations is completely natural. The adult longing for a good father is a consequential emotion from not having a good father in the childhood. It’s a result of abandonment.

According to a study at Erikson University in 2009, a grown man evidently seems extremely impressive to a small child. For a child, a grown man knows everything; the capital of India, how to drive a bicycle, how to fight, how to catch a ball. They can lift you up with their immense power. They go to bed secretly late, and wake up earliest in the morning. They can swim and let you ride their back. Fathers, by their all difference, are beyond astonishing creature.

People with father problems, contrary to its paradox, are almost, always, the ones who didn’t have very good fathers when they were small. Maybe their fathers were incredibly strong, but at the same time cruel or maybe disinterested. Perhaps, they were busy, and weren’t around much or perhaps they left after a disturbing fight. Perhaps, they divorced their wives, or may be they died. This is what, in many surprising ways, incline us to some tricky behaviors. This lead us to develop absurd fantasies, irrelevant to our maturity level and skepticism, around the idea of male protection.

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Consequences

We, even after the years of failing and learning our lessons, all by ourselves—still remain like a young child we once were. In a way, we were not allowed to mature away from our unquenched fantasies of fathers. We still, secretly, desire someone to step in and take the role. We want someone else to make our big decisions, we want them to protect us, and be tough around us. We want them, in a certain mysterious way, to vanish our problems from our life.

No matter how independent and self-sufficient we act, at the end of the day, we want them to sort out our money problems, we expect them to get angry when anyone tries to hurt us, to be proud of us when we achieve something—to love us for who we are, and primarily, accept us. To fulfill this intrinsic desire, we look out for fathers in friendships, at work, and all the places we emotionally visit.

We all must, if our emotions allow, accept that the adulthood fantasy of fathers is not of a good father. As absurd as it may sound, a good father is the one who boldly and honestly accepts that he isn’t that powerful and cannot solve all our problems. They are conscious that they can’t magically save us from the countless dangers of this world, no matter how much they wish to. They are also honest about this, and tell us the truth as soon as we’re strong enough to face it. Out of love, they let us know that there are not perfect fathers and the best they can do is help us grow, in the best way possible.

What do we need?

We markedly don’t need just a father, we need a good father figure. Someone who could help us out of our father issues, someone who encourage us to talk, acknowledges our sufferings and fears, and deeply wants the best for us and isn’t reluctant to say so; but who at the same time, out of love, wants to help us come to terms with a messy and essentially a disappointing world. A man, who out of love, will encourage you to be independent and, specifically, not to fantasize that anyone, however outwardly imposing, can do the impossible for you. And, shamelessly deny that anyone, even for the love and hate, will always be there for you by your side.

Good fathers allow us to accept the truth that there are, in the end, no fathers; just an independent you—who eventually, by failing and learning, becomes someone else’s, good father. 

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Do you think we have missed something that could help people with their father issues? Comment below and let us know.

Gift yourself a good health and long life from today with these simple tips

It’s easier to say someone “live long life”, but there are some rules to actually make this phrase true. A healthy lifestyle is more like maintaining a car. Health is equally significant for everyone, whether you are a millionaire or a Gen-Xer. But the good news is, like any other thing in the world, we can take full charge of our health and can nurture and enhance it well with the right knowledge. Most of the information we gather from internet is mix of several diet plans, exercise, etc. and we find some new and different tips on different online sites which further brings confusion and we end up leaving all away and chose to live with ‘let it be” attitude.

Courtesy: AK Mishra Library

Here is a list of ways through which one can indeed live a healthy life and add much more healthy years to life. Some of the healthy tips are taken directly from the World Health Organization, Doctors and Mayo Clinic.

Let’s dig into the wonderful ways to prolong your life right from today

Healthy diet is a key to healthy life

According to World Health Organization, one must avoid consumption of sodium and sugar in excess and rather should start consuming more vegetables, fruits, nuts, legumes and grains. Besides that, increasing social life and bringing a shift in one’s mindset from negative to positive takes one a step ahead towards a healthy living. Social life helps one cope up with traumas, reduce stress and encourage people to avoid unhealthy habits or lifestyles such as drinking, smoking etc.

Exercise regularly

Exercise undoubtedly must be added in your must-do list of every day. According to National Institute of Health, exercise for at least 2.5 hours per week increase life expectancy by around 4.5 years.

Take good sleep

In such hectic schedule of everyday life where people not only juggle to do well in professional front but also have to fulfill needs of personal relationships and hence often forget to give enough time to self.  Think of those times that you wasted sitting and staring at your phone, playing games during your off-the-clock hours. Time management is a must learn the art for everybody in today’s era. To take wiser decisions in life, one must have a peaceful mind which can only be attained through enough sleep and rest. Let’s dig into some powerful benefits of having good sleep;

•    8 hours of sleep everyday prevents cancer

•    It keeps heart healthy

•    It reduces stress

•    Helps one to stay fit and to lose unwanted weight

•    It reduces tension and risk of depression

•    Keeps skin and body healthy

Consume plenty of water everyday

Health is wealth! We all have heard this phrase most of the time. If we think about this phrase practically, we’ll find that this is so true. If you are healthy, you will not have to spend your old age paying your hospital bills. In order to stay healthy, water is required as it helps to clear out toxins from the body which causes several health problems. Besides, water moisturizes your joints and keeps you away from body aches and any other healthy ailments.

We often get caught up in the pursuit of wealth, but what does it really mean to be wealthy? Lets redefine

Most of us have a common belief that wealth is equal to the amount of money we have. Although we cannot deny the fact that money does matter a lot, but it's just a part of our wonderful journey called 'LIFE'. Wealth is the blend of our mind, body, and soul; while true wealth is inner contentment. 

Thereby through this video, we are informing the true meaning of - Wealth, which is the relationships and connections we share with each other. We easily get caught up in the whirlwind of monotonous, materialistic, busy and unexamined life, where we have less or no time for ourselves or the people around us. But when we spare some time out of our daily routines to delve into our choices and the things we value, we gain a new perspective on true wealth; that is our relationship, our loved ones, who bring true meaning to our lives. It's still not late, it's still possible to have a wealth of joy, peace & fulfillment each day. 

This video is a small attempt by AK Mishra's Art of Success, a Life Transformation Training Company, to enlighten individuals on the importance of Relationship, nurture the true wealth we all are endowed with, but fail to acknowledge sometimes. 

Come, Join AK Mishra's Art of Success to learn the skills of attaining wealth amongst relationships in all three spheres of one's lives - Personal, Professional and Social.

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Procrastination – Why it’s not your fault as per the evolution?

Following the footsteps of Charles Darwin and his commendable work in the 19^th century, evolution has become the most powerful idea of human existence in the modern world.

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A big part of his work was focused on the tendency of genes to mutate over time.  For e.g. when a dog, or a monkey, or a human for that matter, has a gene mutation—it’s commonly defined in terms of the organism’s unsuitability, because of which, ultimately, it dies. But, there is another side of it. Hardly, but sometimes, these mutations give these organisms an advantage and make them more efficient and successful.

Subsequently, these mutations would be transferred to the descendants who will have the same advantages as their parents, followed by a whole generation picking up the same traits. But, we must acknowledge that gene mutation takes time, in fact—a lot of time.

To keep things in perspective—it took us millions of years to get mutated from a single cell organism to the advanced complex structure we today are; homo sapiens. Markedly, a noticeable change in our physical structure is not something we would notice during a lifetime—but, at the same time, equally interesting, there is a second thought from Darwin’s theory of evolution; ‘adaptation of the environment’.

He evidently pointed out that with a shift in an environment—there is also a sudden shift in organism’s characteristics living in it. For an e.g. in 1998, in Untied States, Grey Frog and Green Frogs, although being from the same species—adapted to their environment and preferred wetlands and wooden areas accordingly. These adaptations, although a very substantial improvement, were major to survive in their very habitats and effectively camouflage from the predators. These adaptations can dramatically alter the chances of a species survival. Isn’t that exciting?

This very adaptation theory also applies to the human world, not in terms of reproductive potential but in term of social hierarchy. This is the very reason why ‘nerd intellectuals’ in the 21st century, even after being shortsighted, timid, being short on charisma, poor muscular development, lack of social skills, have a successful life.

On the contrary, in the past, most of one’s success was dependent on his/her physical strength and social skills and, on the other hand—the loner, introverts were in a very disadvantageous position. Fast forward to the last quarter of 20th century, where technical revolution created this environment for nerds to flourish and by the end of it, it turned out to be highly advantageous for them.

Courtesy: AK Mishra Library

Humans as a species are not mutating enough to be even noticeable, on contrast, our environment is changing rapidly. And, this has hugely affected our society. Some of us, a very small fraction of our society is like those green and grey frogs, who has these rewarding traits like self-discipline, massive intellect, rationality, which gives them a great advantage over the others and substantially improve their life standards.

But, several of us, who aren’t too much inclined towards the adaptations, unlike Grey or Green Frogs, in this new world—do not have these empowering traits. We often overeat, have baseless anxieties, spend an immeasurable amount of time before screens, watch too much porn, stay monogamous and get involved in so many unproductive activities.

The bottom line is – that even though we often find ourselves chasing in this technology-driven capitalist society, we must acknowledge that adaptation according to this new modern world is not the trait for everyone. We often, find ourselves not fitting in the room filled with intellectuals and disciplined humans. During those times, we must be a little forgiving for us and most importantly, for people around us.

We should see that it’s our biology that has disappointed us with a range of cognitive habits that do not serve us anymore. Our indulgence around sugar, anxiety, power, sex and excitement did make sense when they evolved, but not now, although pleasing and entertaining, they are counterproductive and hamper our effectiveness in this capitalist society.

Darwin’s theory helps us to understand why we do such unproductive things on a daily basis and struggle with the smallest of the tasks. If truth be told, it’s just that we are not adapting to the modern times for which we are consistently accused of the demeaning human nature.

Undoubtedly, the modern world is a strange place and it’s really hard for most of us to pull off. Acknowledging our limitations, we all should accept that Darwin was right. Not all of us are adapting enough to be successful—not all of us are like those grey and green frogs from United States. it’s not even our fault—places where we were growing up, the kind of education we get, people that surround us, our friends and families—there are several variables that play a critical role in making one successful. And, even if one of the pieces miss match—we miserably stay under the shed of mediocrity. So, next time you see an unsuccessful man—struggling with his life—failing, just know—it’s not anyone’s fault. He, unknown to the adapting world, is trying. And, that’s enough!

How to Properly Complain without Offending Everyone?

If we look the internal structure of a complaint—you wouldn’t be surprised that it’s of the same pattern as a debate. It should go without saying that a debate must be attempted with an appropriate preparation—especially If you’d want to win it—so should a complaint.

Living in a capitalist society that constitutes people of varying mindsets and people who are driven by different motives—it’s inevitable that someone in our vicinity will hurt us in some way or the other. Markedly, it could be anyone; a colleague, a child, a friend or out of all, most likely—your partner.

People around us are often neglectful of something that matters excessively to us. With our definition, people surrounding us are mostly; thoughtless, brusk, offensive or unkind. We don’t often recognize our reactions to the maltreatment people throw at us. We might not agree but our reactions go right from our hearts and clearly depicts who we are. Our reactions can make a substantial difference between a life of a persistent bitterness, constant frustrations and our tolerable peaceful coexistence with so-called our ruthless society.  

An important section that contributes immensely to the art of living is sanely handling those who do us wrong and complain constructively. There are largely 3 main paths which one might opt to complain others;

1.       Shouting Panda

Here we shout, insult, belittle, explode to our extremes to crush our opponents. However, the thing that we often neglect is what lies behind these responses. It’s agitation and broadly a catastrophic feeling of betrayal and hurt. This unsettles us so much and hurts our dignity to such an extent that we find ourselves roaring our way to humiliation. But, at the same time—we also must acknowledge that Shouting Panda guarantees to prevent our complaint from ever being heard, let alone be resolved.

In our way to complain with all our rantings, we often end up offending who have offended us, which entirely dooms our original complaint against them. Here, we achieve nothing!

2.       Holding Panda

Here the victim says very little but hates very quietly and deeply. Here, one doesn’t complain directly from their disparity of ever being understood. This panda is often fueled with self-loathing and feels like he doesn’t deserve to be heard. It gets trapped in primitive self-hatred—resulting in an intense cynicism and melancholy and withdraws himself from the scene itself.

We often learn this technique of complaining in our childhood when we learn to swallow our pain and push it inside us. It often leaked with veiled aggression against those who have done us wrong.

Here too, we achieve nothing!

3.       Adult Panda

Here Panda is mature and knows what he wants to communicate. In order to master such a behavior, we should fundamentally work with a background sense that we don’t deserve meanness and also, that meanness won’t on its own ever be able to disturb us.

We mustn’t put ourselves in a complete chaos, just because someone has said something mean to us—by an insult.

Here are few things Adult Panda can teach us;

·         We should take the meanness from the world in a calm and strategic manner.

·         We must be careful to not belittle our opponents or insult.

·         We must concentrate on how we feel rather than pointing fingers at our opponents.

·         Replace – ‘You’re selfish and evil for doing this to me’ by saying – ‘I feel hurt’.

Even after all the precautions and advice from Adult Panda, we shouldn’t extend our faith to everyone that they would always understand our complaint and accept what we’re trying to convey. But, we voice our complaints anyway, because we know it’s not good to swallow our complaints. And, no one gets benefited from our silence in a long run.

By sketching an appropriate style of complaining, we can fill in our words with reasons and reflections and we can take our hesitant self on the path of Mature complaining—one step at a time.

Happy Complaining!

If you think there is a better way to express a complaint, do let us know in our comment section. We might include it in our article and help several people to improve their complaining.

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EQUANIMOUS – What does it mean and Why it’s important?

Being successful is not a goal—it’s an everyday journey. It is said that your degree of success in life directly depends on how you use your mind and body. There are essential qualities that one should cultivate towards their body and mind. There are proper well-defined steps to be successful in the world. The two fundamental qualities are that; you must be able to harness the prowess of human mind and the human body.

Harness the Mind

To harness the human mind—the one quality that you must possess is to be Equanimous.

EQUANIMOUS

Adjective

1.       In full control of your faculties

Equanimous gives you access to different dimensions of your mind. If there is no equanimity, in a skewed sense of mind, your ability to use your mind is substantially reduced. Another major dimension is on the level of your energy, both physiologically and internally—one must be exuberant. It’s only when one energizes the exuberance within himself, he is able to have an ability to find a solution for the various complications of life.

Success will come to you much more easily, but beyond this, to be successful—one needs insight, inspiration and integrity.

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Insight: With this, you pay attention to your life around you in such a way that you get to see something that most of the people avoid in day-to-day life.

Inspiration: With this, one must be constantly inspired. It’s is important to understand why you’re doing—what you’re doing.  To look at the larger dimension of your actions and figure out the contribution that you make through your simple acts or whatever you are doing for that matter. You must acknowledge that every action that you take in your life is a contribution to some dimension in this world.  Someone or other gets affected by your actions—so the key is to be conscious of your actions and how it affects your surroundings, and that will provide us with a constant inspiration.

Integrity: Integrity is a crucial part of your success because your actions that you carry in this world exhibits an aura of trustiness around you—that you generate on the daily business. How many people you effect on the daily basis determines your daily efforts. The amount of trustiness will directly impact and enhance, simply because people pave the way for trustworthy people, rather than creating impediments.

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