Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts

Monday, 8 May 2017

The role of good or bad fatherhood in kids' life

Father figures are expected, from the very start of one’s life, to be wise and powerful. They are expected to solve our problems, to be with us when in need, accompany us to children park, tell us stories, protect us. They are judicious and kind, perhaps a little tough at times but always fair—but most importantly, we expect them to be always, on our side. 

To make fun of someone who has problems with their father, even after acknowledging their discomforting longing, is humiliating and rude. It’s completely alright for someone to desire a fatherly figure in their lives, especially, when in chaos and confusions. It’s utterly hurtful to want someone to protect us and fail at finding anyone at sight.

When does it start?

This notion of desiring a fatherly figure comes from our childhood—when we’re both young and immensely week, and need protection from everything that might hurt us. In our childhood, even a cat of a considerable size can kill us—things were mysterious when we were young, and often were outside of our control. To wish for a father in befalling situations is completely natural. The adult longing for a good father is a consequential emotion from not having a good father in the childhood. It’s a result of abandonment.

According to a study at Erikson University in 2009, a grown man evidently seems extremely impressive to a small child. For a child, a grown man knows everything; the capital of India, how to drive a bicycle, how to fight, how to catch a ball. They can lift you up with their immense power. They go to bed secretly late, and wake up earliest in the morning. They can swim and let you ride their back. Fathers, by their all difference, are beyond astonishing creature.

People with father problems, contrary to its paradox, are almost, always, the ones who didn’t have very good fathers when they were small. Maybe their fathers were incredibly strong, but at the same time cruel or maybe disinterested. Perhaps, they were busy, and weren’t around much or perhaps they left after a disturbing fight. Perhaps, they divorced their wives, or may be they died. This is what, in many surprising ways, incline us to some tricky behaviors. This lead us to develop absurd fantasies, irrelevant to our maturity level and skepticism, around the idea of male protection.
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We, even after the years of failing and learning our lessons, all by ourselves—still remain like a young child we once were. In a way, we were not allowed to mature away from our unquenched fantasies of fathers. We still, secretly, desire someone to step in and take the role. We want someone else to make our big decisions, we want them to protect us, and be tough around us. We want them, in a certain mysterious way, to vanish our problems from our life.

No matter how independent and self-sufficient we act, at the end of the day, we want them to sort out our money problems, we expect them to get angry when anyone tries to hurt us, to be proud of us when we achieve something—to love us for who we are, and primarily, accept us. To fulfill this intrinsic desire, we look out for fathers in friendships, at work, and all the places we emotionally visit.

We all must, if our emotions allow, accept that the adulthood fantasy of fathers is not of a good father. As absurd as it may sound, a good father is the one who boldly and honestly accepts that he isn’t that powerful and cannot solve all our problems. They are conscious that they can’t magically save us from the countless dangers of this world, no matter how much they wish to. They are also honest about this, and tell us the truth as soon as we’re strong enough to face it. Out of love, they let us know that there are not perfect fathers and the best they can do is help us grow, in the best way possible.

What do we need?

We markedly don’t need just a father, we need a good father figure. Someone who could help us out of our father issues, someone who encourage us to talk, acknowledges our sufferings and fears, and deeply wants the best for us and isn’t reluctant to say so; but who at the same time, out of love, wants to help us come to terms with a messy and essentially a disappointing world. A man, who out of love, will encourage you to be independent and, specifically, not to fantasize that anyone, however outwardly imposing, can do the impossible for you. And, shamelessly deny that anyone, even for the love and hate, will always be there for you by your side.

Good fathers allow us to accept the truth that there are, in the end, no fathers; just an independent you—who eventually, by failing and learning, becomes someone else’s, good father. 
If you need some help with any ongoing issue in life, contact AK Mishra's Art of Success. Call us at -  +91 9990 107 766 
Do you think we have missed something that could help people with their father issues? Comment below and let us know.

Friday, 27 January 2017

Ways to shift your state of mind and become more confident in minutes

At some point or another, we all must have struggled with our self-esteem. Since none of us are immune to this feeling of insecurity and self-doubts, it becomes even harder to overcome. This could be situational, for eg. Some people find themselves insecure and less confident while socializing with new or unknown people, or at public speaking, but could be very confident around the people they know. Some introverted people often feel shy or less confident partying, dancing, singing; while some may feel lesser confident trying something new at the workplace. But we can certainly give ourselves a quick boost in such situations by following such simple confidence boosting techniques.

1.    Smile

Undoubtedly our physiology greatly influences our self-awareness and emotions. Moreover, it has scientifically proven fact that smile not only makes us more attractive but also enhance our mood, lowers blood pressure, relieves stress and helps us stay positive. Hence, begin your day with a smile, look at yourself in the mirror with a smiling face and make an effort to smile more often throughout the day; while talking to other people or greeting others. It will make you feel and look good and confident.

2.    Meditation

Find out a good Buddhist mindfulness guided meditation and try every day for 10 minutes. One can also use most simple and effective meditation technique; sitting straight with eyes closed chanting OM. This also helps you improve your self-awareness and drastically enhance your confidence level. 

3.    Improve your posture

Your body posture makes a lot of difference. So most importantly, improve you sitting and standing posture. Research shows those who sit straight are more likely to generate ideas, believe in their own thoughts as compared to those who sit hunched over the desk throughout the day. Moreover, standing straight also not only makes you feel and look confident but significantly improve your productivity level. While encountering yourself in a socially evaluative situation such as an interview or public speaking engagement, practice a day before to improvise your posture; stand straight in a power pose. And then after some time, look into your comfort level, in which posture you feel confident and comfortable while standing straight. The power pose will help raise your level of testosterone (the hormone of dominance) and lower your stress hormone (Cortisol) while making you feel more confident and bringing out your true self.

4.    Visualization

Visualization is undoubtedly an amazing tool universe has endowed to each one of us to bring our desires into an existence. By visualizing your success, whether acing an interview or finishing a task or a workout, you can indeed take yourself a step ahead towards your desired success. Although many spiritual leaders have already accepted it as a well-known fact, it has also scientifically proven that imaging an activity stimulates our nervous system and activates several same neural pathways in our brain as we actually experiencing the activity. By visualizing yourself overcoming the challenges, you can certainly help yourself be more confident, comfortable while dealing with the current challenges which seem more familiar.

5.    Embrace your feeling of Low Self-Esteem

Once you are done with developing a habit of visualization and meditation and correct posture, your next step is taking some time to embrace your feeling of low self-esteem. Yes, you read it right, EMBRACE YOUR LOW SELF-ESTEEM. Moments of doubts, situations where you encounter low self-esteem, feeling of unhappiness, discontentment are pretty important and required. They are imperative poisons that compel you to eliminate what you do not like and to bring a positive change in yourself. By suppressing your negative self, you’ll end up always moving a step away from your improvement and perfection. Begin recognizing your insecurities, and rather than improving your feeling of low self-esteem, start improvising your competence. Make yourself abler, learn what cause you low self-esteem, where are your lacking and improve those abilities; and you’ll gradually enhance your confidence level too.

6.    Embrace your failures

After learning the skills of accepting your weaknesses that cause self-doubts, reevaluate how you consider your failures. Failure is inescapable for each one of us. The one who tries will always fail too. In fact, our advancement in life depends upon our failures. Failures come as a challenges in your life to make you what you truly are; to bring out your true potential, to make you more patient, more experienced, more mature, wiser, more humble, more resilient, more creative, more grounded, and teaches you a lot about your true self, which your success can never  teach. When you focus on learnings you gain from your each failure, you take a step ahead towards your desired success and failures become just a part of your journey to your phenomenal triumph.

6.    Improve your surroundings

Lastly, to improve your confidence level, improve the context for it. Simply put, improve your social circle. A supportive social circle will always encourage you to move forward, and that encouragement truly plays a very vital role in boosting your confidence level and reaching your goal. Keep a distance with the people who discourage you for your dreams and spend more time with the people who believe in you.