Showing posts with label state of mind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label state of mind. Show all posts

Monday, 10 April 2017

How to Properly Complain without Offending Everyone?

If we look the internal structure of a complaint—you wouldn’t be surprised that it’s of the same pattern as a debate. It should go without saying that a debate must be attempted with an appropriate preparation—especially If you’d want to win it—so should a complaint.
Living in a capitalist society that constitutes people of varying mindsets and people who are driven by different motives—it’s inevitable that someone in our vicinity will hurt us in some way or the other. Markedly, it could be anyone; a colleague, a child, a friend or out of all, most likely—your partner.
People around us are often neglectful of something that matters excessively to us. With our definition, people surrounding us are mostly; thoughtless, brusk, offensive or unkind. We don’t often recognize our reactions to the maltreatment people throw at us. We might not agree but our reactions go right from our hearts and clearly depicts who we are. Our reactions can make a substantial difference between a life of a persistent bitterness, constant frustrations and our tolerable peaceful coexistence with so-called our ruthless society.  
An important section that contributes immensely to the art of living is sanely handling those who do us wrong and complain constructively. There are largely 3 main paths which one might opt to complain others;

1.       Shouting Panda

Here we shout, insult, belittle, explode to our extremes to crush our opponents. However, the thing that we often neglect is what lies behind these responses. It’s agitation and broadly a catastrophic feeling of betrayal and hurt. This unsettles us so much and hurts our dignity to such an extent that we find ourselves roaring our way to humiliation. But, at the same time—we also must acknowledge that Shouting Panda guarantees to prevent our complaint from ever being heard, let alone be resolved.

In our way to complain with all our rantings, we often end up offending who have offended us, which entirely dooms our original complaint against them. Here, we achieve nothing!

2.       Holding Panda

Here the victim says very little but hates very quietly and deeply. Here, one doesn’t complain directly from their disparity of ever being understood. This panda is often fueled with self-loathing and feels like he doesn’t deserve to be heard. It gets trapped in primitive self-hatred—resulting in an intense cynicism and melancholy and withdraws himself from the scene itself.

We often learn this technique of complaining in our childhood when we learn to swallow our pain and push it inside us. It often leaked with veiled aggression against those who have done us wrong.

Here too, we achieve nothing!

3.       Adult Panda

Here Panda is mature and knows what he wants to communicate. In order to master such a behavior, we should fundamentally work with a background sense that we don’t deserve meanness and also, that meanness won’t on its own ever be able to disturb us.

We mustn’t put ourselves in a complete chaos, just because someone has said something mean to us—by an insult.

Here are few things Adult Panda can teach us;

·         We should take the meanness from the world in a calm and strategic manner.

·         We must be careful to not belittle our opponents or insult.

·         We must concentrate on how we feel rather than pointing fingers at our opponents.

·         Replace – ‘You’re selfish and evil for doing this to me’ by saying – ‘I feel hurt’.

Even after all the precautions and advice from Adult Panda, we shouldn’t extend our faith to everyone that they would always understand our complaint and accept what we’re trying to convey. But, we voice our complaints anyway, because we know it’s not good to swallow our complaints. And, no one gets benefited from our silence in a long run.

By sketching an appropriate style of complaining, we can fill in our words with reasons and reflections and we can take our hesitant self on the path of Mature complaining—one step at a time.

Happy Complaining!

If you think there is a better way to express a complaint, do let us know in our comment section. We might include it in our article and help several people to improve their complaining.

Also, Check our courses by Success Guru AK Mishra and explore infinite possibilities to improve your lifestyle; Click Here  

Monday, 6 March 2017

How not to care what anyone thinks of you?

AK Mishra's Art of Success

One of our most prominent fears which haunt us when we socialize in this world and mingle with others—is that we may in our hearts be not interesting, rather boring. But the good news and fundamental truth too is that no one is ever truly boring. They are only in danger of coming across as such when they either fail to understand their deeper selves or don’t dare or know how to communicate with others.

There is simply no such thing as an inherently boring person or thing—is one of the great lessons of art. Many of the most satisfying artworks don’t feature rare elements, they are evidently about the ordinary, looked from a special perspective, with unusual sincerity and openness to varnished experience.

AK Mishra's Art of Success

For example—look at the painting of Whistler’s Mother by James McNeill. It’s a simple depiction of artist’s mother sitting on a wooden chair against a gray wall. Outwardly the scene in the painting is utterly simple and could initially appear to be deeply unpromising material for a painting. Yet, like any great artist, McNeill knew how to interrogate his own perceptions—in a fresh, clear, underivative manner and translated them accurately into his medium—knitting a small masterpiece out of the thread of everyday life. And just as there’s no such thing as a boring everyday life, so too there could be no such thing as an innately boring person.

Humans witnessed in its essence with honesty and without artifice is always interesting.

When we call a person boring—we’re just pointing to someone who doesn’t have the courage for concentration to tell us what it’s like to be them. By contrast, we invariably prove compelling when we succeed in saying how and what we truly desire, envy, regret mourn or dream. In a simpler form if anyone recuperates the real data on what it’s like to exist is guaranteed to have material with which one can captivate others.

An interesting person isn’t always someone with whom obviously and outwardly interesting things have happened: like someone who travelled the world or met importance dignitaries, nor someone who talks about the weighty themes of culture, history or science. On the contrast, an interesting person is someone who can give us faithful accounts, drama, and strangeness of being alive.

Then, what are some of the elements that get in the way of is being as interesting as we in fact are;

Our Loss of Faith
We feel boring and exhibit the same feeling when there is a lack of faith. We often believe that it really could be feelings that would stand the best chance of interesting others. When we tell an anecdote, we majorly concentrate on giving the outward details—like about the weather, people who were involved, what time was it—rather than maintaining courage to report the layer of feelings, beneath the surface—the intricate facts which flashes the moment of guilt, the sudden sexual attraction, the humiliating sulk, that strange euphoria at the middle of the night, every small detail. We should acknowledge that our neglect is not just an oversight, but it could be a deliberate strategy to mold our ideas of dignity and normality. We lack the nerve to look more closely within.
For say, most five-years-old are far less boring than most 45-years old. What’s interesting is that kids don’t necessarily have exciting feelings, far from it, but their sheer frankness and uncensored version of their feelings are what makes their insights interesting.

Our inner-struggle to appear normal
We all feel boring not by our nature—so much as by a fateful will that begins its effect in teenage years to appear normal, even when we’re honest about our feelings. We may still prove boring because we don’t know them as well as we should, so we get stuck at the level of insisting on an emotion rather than explaining it. Any situation is extremely exciting, awful or beautiful, but not to be able to provide those around us with any of the sorts of related details and examples that would help them understand why. We can end up boring not so much because we don’t want to share our lives, as because we don’t yet know them well enough to do so.

Luckily, the gift of being interesting is not an exceptional talent. It requires only direction, honesty and focus. The person we call fascinating is someone alive to what we all deeply want from social intercourses, which is an uncensored glimpse of what the brief waking dream called life feels like.  Through the eyes of another person and reassurance, we are not entirely alone with all that feels most puzzling, strange and strong within us.

Friday, 27 January 2017

Ways to shift your state of mind and become more confident in minutes

At some point or another, we all must have struggled with our self-esteem. Since none of us are immune to this feeling of insecurity and self-doubts, it becomes even harder to overcome. This could be situational, for eg. Some people find themselves insecure and less confident while socializing with new or unknown people, or at public speaking, but could be very confident around the people they know. Some introverted people often feel shy or less confident partying, dancing, singing; while some may feel lesser confident trying something new at the workplace. But we can certainly give ourselves a quick boost in such situations by following such simple confidence boosting techniques.

1.    Smile

Undoubtedly our physiology greatly influences our self-awareness and emotions. Moreover, it has scientifically proven fact that smile not only makes us more attractive but also enhance our mood, lowers blood pressure, relieves stress and helps us stay positive. Hence, begin your day with a smile, look at yourself in the mirror with a smiling face and make an effort to smile more often throughout the day; while talking to other people or greeting others. It will make you feel and look good and confident.

2.    Meditation

Find out a good Buddhist mindfulness guided meditation and try every day for 10 minutes. One can also use most simple and effective meditation technique; sitting straight with eyes closed chanting OM. This also helps you improve your self-awareness and drastically enhance your confidence level. 

3.    Improve your posture

Your body posture makes a lot of difference. So most importantly, improve you sitting and standing posture. Research shows those who sit straight are more likely to generate ideas, believe in their own thoughts as compared to those who sit hunched over the desk throughout the day. Moreover, standing straight also not only makes you feel and look confident but significantly improve your productivity level. While encountering yourself in a socially evaluative situation such as an interview or public speaking engagement, practice a day before to improvise your posture; stand straight in a power pose. And then after some time, look into your comfort level, in which posture you feel confident and comfortable while standing straight. The power pose will help raise your level of testosterone (the hormone of dominance) and lower your stress hormone (Cortisol) while making you feel more confident and bringing out your true self.

4.    Visualization

Visualization is undoubtedly an amazing tool universe has endowed to each one of us to bring our desires into an existence. By visualizing your success, whether acing an interview or finishing a task or a workout, you can indeed take yourself a step ahead towards your desired success. Although many spiritual leaders have already accepted it as a well-known fact, it has also scientifically proven that imaging an activity stimulates our nervous system and activates several same neural pathways in our brain as we actually experiencing the activity. By visualizing yourself overcoming the challenges, you can certainly help yourself be more confident, comfortable while dealing with the current challenges which seem more familiar.

5.    Embrace your feeling of Low Self-Esteem

Once you are done with developing a habit of visualization and meditation and correct posture, your next step is taking some time to embrace your feeling of low self-esteem. Yes, you read it right, EMBRACE YOUR LOW SELF-ESTEEM. Moments of doubts, situations where you encounter low self-esteem, feeling of unhappiness, discontentment are pretty important and required. They are imperative poisons that compel you to eliminate what you do not like and to bring a positive change in yourself. By suppressing your negative self, you’ll end up always moving a step away from your improvement and perfection. Begin recognizing your insecurities, and rather than improving your feeling of low self-esteem, start improvising your competence. Make yourself abler, learn what cause you low self-esteem, where are your lacking and improve those abilities; and you’ll gradually enhance your confidence level too.

6.    Embrace your failures

After learning the skills of accepting your weaknesses that cause self-doubts, reevaluate how you consider your failures. Failure is inescapable for each one of us. The one who tries will always fail too. In fact, our advancement in life depends upon our failures. Failures come as a challenges in your life to make you what you truly are; to bring out your true potential, to make you more patient, more experienced, more mature, wiser, more humble, more resilient, more creative, more grounded, and teaches you a lot about your true self, which your success can never  teach. When you focus on learnings you gain from your each failure, you take a step ahead towards your desired success and failures become just a part of your journey to your phenomenal triumph.

6.    Improve your surroundings

Lastly, to improve your confidence level, improve the context for it. Simply put, improve your social circle. A supportive social circle will always encourage you to move forward, and that encouragement truly plays a very vital role in boosting your confidence level and reaching your goal. Keep a distance with the people who discourage you for your dreams and spend more time with the people who believe in you.