If we look the internal structure of a complaint—you wouldn’t
be surprised that it’s of the same pattern as a debate. It should go without saying
that a debate must be attempted with an appropriate preparation—especially If you’d
want to win it—so should a complaint.
Living in a capitalist society that constitutes people of
varying mindsets and people who are driven by different motives—it’s inevitable
that someone in our vicinity will hurt us in some way or the other. Markedly,
it could be anyone; a colleague, a child, a friend or out of all, most likely—your
partner.
People around us are often neglectful of something that
matters excessively to us. With our definition, people surrounding us are
mostly; thoughtless, brusk, offensive or unkind. We don’t often recognize our reactions to the maltreatment people
throw at us. We might not agree but our reactions go right from our hearts and
clearly depicts who we are. Our reactions can make a substantial difference
between a life of a persistent bitterness, constant frustrations and our tolerable
peaceful coexistence with so-called our ruthless
society.
An important section that contributes immensely to the art
of living is sanely handling those who do
us wrong and complain constructively. There are largely 3 main paths which one
might opt to complain others;
1. Shouting Panda
Here we shout, insult, belittle, explode to
our extremes to crush our opponents. However, the thing that we often neglect
is what lies behind these responses. It’s agitation and broadly a catastrophic
feeling of betrayal and hurt. This unsettles us so much and hurts our dignity to such an extent that we find ourselves
roaring our way to humiliation. But, at the same time—we also must acknowledge
that Shouting Panda guarantees to prevent our complaint from ever being heard,
let alone be resolved.
In our way to complain with all our rantings, we often end up offending who have
offended us, which entirely dooms our original complaint against them. Here, we
achieve nothing!
2. Holding Panda
Here the victim says very little but hates very
quietly and deeply. Here, one doesn’t complain
directly from their disparity of ever being understood. This panda is often
fueled with self-loathing and feels like he doesn’t deserve to be heard. It
gets trapped in primitive self-hatred—resulting in an intense cynicism and melancholy and withdraws himself from the scene
itself.
We often learn this technique of
complaining in our childhood when we learn to swallow our pain and push it
inside us. It often leaked with veiled aggression against those who have done
us wrong.
Here too, we achieve nothing!
3. Adult Panda
Here Panda is mature and knows what he
wants to communicate. In order to master such a behavior,
we should fundamentally work with a background sense that we don’t deserve meanness
and also, that meanness won’t on its own ever be able to disturb us.
We mustn’t put ourselves in a complete
chaos, just because someone has said something mean
to us—by an insult.
Here are few things Adult Panda can teach us;
·
We should take the meanness from the world in a calm
and strategic manner.
·
We must be careful to not belittle our opponents
or insult.
·
We must concentrate on how we feel rather than pointing
fingers at our opponents.
·
Replace – ‘You’re
selfish and evil for doing this to me’ by saying – ‘I feel hurt’.
Even after all the precautions and advice
from Adult Panda, we shouldn’t extend our
faith to everyone that they would always understand our complaint and accept
what we’re trying to convey. But, we voice our complaints anyway, because we
know it’s not good to swallow our complaints. And, no one gets benefited from our
silence in a long run.
By sketching an appropriate style of complaining, we can fill in our
words with reasons and reflections and we can take our hesitant self on the
path of Mature complaining—one step at a time.
Happy Complaining!
If you think there is a better way to express a complaint, do let us know in our comment section. We might include it in our article and help several people to improve their complaining.
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